I really don’t know how I’ve survived the past two days. At times, the world around seems like a hazy existence. My grades have suffered and if this goes on too much longer, the effects will be felt by those around me. I’m working hard to see that that doesn’t happen.
It’s tough being a gentleman. Maybe I’m not but I aspire to be and it’s that aspiration that currently leads down a road of thorns. A gentleman’s word and honor are bound up all in one. There is no dichotomy between the two. His word is his promise. By his very nature, he can’t be or do otherwise. Though it rip him apart, he will be faithful to the word he has given. It is that sort of pain that I currently feel. Last night, I had to give vent. Lying in my bunk and pen in hand, this is the result:
God, this old heart of mine aches,
Weighed down with pain, it nearly breaks,
This present valley looks so long,
A heart so full, no room for song.
What once filled my heart with gladness,
The same threatens a most bitter madness,
What once seemed a joyous stream,
Is now an almost unattainable gleam,
Deep down below this current strife,
Lies a fountain of truth giving life,
And though pressed by disappointments sore,
Twill rise to refresh my soul once more.
And tho this strife threatens to slam
And cause me to question who I am
And grief oerwhelms in cathartic tears,
And should this ache linger thru the years,
My word I’ve given to a friend,
A word from which I can’t rescind,
A word of honor, to be sure,
A word to which I will endure.
A gentleman’s word can’t be broke,
For a gentleman is a different folk,
His words, his honor are his pledge,
Against these, dishonor is ne’er alleged.
Though gray clouds of doubts arise,
And disappointment oertake my skies,
And gloom enshrouds the path ahead
And passion lies dormant and dead,
My word is given, I can’t go back,
My honor’s at stake, I shall not slack,
For to do so would only be to fail,
My course is marked, I’ve set my sail.
One day this pain shall all have ceased,
And this battered heart shall be at peace,
It now seems hard to believe twill mend,
Yet God shall soon set it right again.