It’s Thanksgiving Break and while it has been stress free and wonderful, I find myself doing a lot of. . . nothing. That bugs me. Why do I allow myself to become sidetracked by the smallest distractions? Why do I feel like I need to play that game on my iPod Touch instead of reading for a class? Why, in the middle of researching for a presentation, do I find myself checking Facebook for the 3rd time that morning or scrolling through a sports website for the fifth time? Why instead of taking a nap do I watch YouTube?
Deep down inside of me there is a belief that every moment should count. I only have one life, only so much time. That time is precious and should be used profitably. Relaxing is fine and necessary. But doing too much relaxing crosses into the realm of laziness. Inwardly I shrink from that label. Doing nothing profitable is laziness. Deep down, as I recognize myself living in this zone of doing nothing I wonder, is there more? Am I missing something? Should I be doing something else, something different?
It’s not like I lack for things to do. I did bring a significant portion of homework home with me but the urge to complete assignments has left. I did enough that the final three weeks of school should be easier. There would be Christmas music to practice but meh, I don’t feel like doing it.
Is free time such a good idea? When not pressured, does humanity’s creative juices simply shrivel up and go dormant? Is it really that much more stimulating to write a research paper the day before it’s due instead of handing it in a week early? Egads! I did it again. My mind blanked and boom! before I knew it, swiftly I had typed in a friend’s blog site to read a recent post of hers. Point proven.
Personally, I don’t think free time is such a bad thing. Neither are options. But there needs to be a balance and even a sense of intentionality (thanks, Faith Builders culture for introducing me to that word) about how I use my free time. It is supposed to refresh and rejuvenate, not wear down and overwhelm one with the inanity of its presence. Yet it, the ennui, exists and it will be fought. There is less time available now then there was yesterday. Does it matter what I do with? You better believe it! That is why this current ennui is so dreadful.
Go away bad dream, BOO!!